A List of Lifes Little Truisms....just for fun

A friend of mine sent me a funny list...just thought I'd share and hopefully give you a laugh or two!

Ø   I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. 

   

Ø   Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.   

Ø   I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather... Not in terror like the passengers in his car. 

 

Ø   Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. 

   

Ø   Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

   

Ø   If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong. 

   

Ø   We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public. 

     

Ø   War does not determine who is right - only who is left. 

   

Ø   Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. 

  

Ø   The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. 

   

Ø   Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't. 

   

Ø   To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research. 

   

Ø   A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station...... 

Ø   How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? 

   

Ø   Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down    the stairs. 

   

Ø   Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish. 

   

Ø   I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks. 

   

Ø   A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.    

Ø   Whenever filling out an application, in the part that says "In case of an emergency, notify",  put "DOCTOR". 

   

Ø   I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you. 

   

Ø   I saw a woman wearing a filled out shirt with "Guess" on it...so I guessed "Implants?" 

   

Ø   Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? 

   

Ø   Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. 

   

Ø   Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?     

Ø   Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.    

Ø   A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.    

Ø   You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.     

Ø   The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!    

Ø   Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.    

Ø   A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip and have your bags packed.    

Ø   Hospitality:  making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.    

Ø   Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.    

Ø   I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.  

   

Ø   Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.   

Ø   There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.    

Ø   I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure. 

Ø   I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.    

Ø   When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.    

Ø   You're never too old to learn something stupid. 

Ø   To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. 

  

Ø   Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

   

Ø   Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
   

Ø   A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
   

Ø   If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
   

Ø   Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

How to Adjust Derailleurs for Cable Stretch, or How to Get That "Skip" Out of Your Step

I talked to friend that recently really started mountain biking seriously, and she is loving it, but as I talked to her she had a lot of questions about adjusting the basic things. The latest one was her rear derailleur. She told me that her derailleur needed adjusting and that she was going to bring it in to the shop. She said that the chain was “skipping” and that it wouldn’t stay in gear. Well, I knew that the derailleur had been working fine the last time we rode together, so I figured that what the problem really amounted to was the shift cable had stretched, which is common with new cables. Now, I’m going to explain how to do a simple adjustment to compensate for cable stretch. This can be done at any time at home or on the trail.

The first thing is to understand what parts of the derailleur, or cable system, you are going to be actually adjusting. To adjust for cable stretch you will only need to use the “barrel adjusters” located either on the shift pod, or derailleur, no tools required. Both barrel adjusters work equally well, it just seems to be a personal preference as to which one you choose to use. The following pictures show the two barrel adjusters that you can use:

The first, just in case you don’t recognize it, is on the rear derailleur. The second picture is the right shift pod on the handlebars.

What happens when the cable stretches is that it allows the derailleur to move toward the higher gears (harder to pedal) just as though you were partially switching gears. What you want to do is pick a barrel adjuster and rotate it counter clockwise (out) a half turn. Then check your adjustment by shifting the derailleur a few times and returning to the gear that was causing problems. At this point you should be able to hear a difference in the “skipping” sound. If it seems to be getting better then rotate the barrel adjuster another half turn out and repeat the process. The sound should get better and eventually be eliminated as you make the adjustments. Be careful not to over adjust, as this will cause the same sound, but now the derailleur is trying to move up to the next gear (lower gear, easier to pedal). If this happens, just rotate the barrel adjuster the opposite direction (clockwise) until the skipping goes away. Remember that multiple smaller adjustments is always the preferred way to do things.

I just have to warn you that there are some derailleurs that have been made that shift to the lower gears when the cable gets slack, or stretches. The procedure for this adjustment is the same, but you just need to know that you will be moving the derailleur in the opposite direction (rotate the barrel adjuster clockwise). I’ve been working on bikes for years and have not encountered one of the reverse pull derailleurs, so chances are you most likely don’t have one. They are nothing to worry about, just a little different. Also, if your front derailleur is having the same problems, it can be adjusted the same way, but the front derailleur only has the barrel adjuster on the shift pod.

This is a real basic instruction about doing the cable stretch adjustment. It’s good for you to know how to do this as cables have a way of stretching and becoming annoying at the worst times…like when you are on that really cool ride and having loads of fun. This adjustment will keep you riding happy and “skip” free after just a few minutes. My advice is to try doing these adjustments a few times at home, that way you get the hang of it and gain that confidence for doing it out on the trails. (Plus, if it all goes bad, you still have the local bike shop to run to…and your ride isn’t ruined).

Please let me know if this was helpful and if there are any other adjustments or bike related questions that you have.