The DMV, Part Deux - Logic's Revenge

Just an update on my adventure with the DMV from my post on June 18, 2010….My original hypothesis that the DMV only hires idiots has to be modified. I’ll give you that modification at the end of this little semi-rant. Nonetheless, I had to go back, seeing as my registration was not completed, and I still had to get the motorcycle registration paperwork finished. I decided that since I had to go back, I’d try a different DMV office, one that maybe didn’t hire inept, incompetent, and idiotic simpletons. So I set an appointment with the Newhall California DMV office.

The day before my appointment I printed out the part of the DMV website that explained the rule for the exception for the Brake and Light Inspection Certificate, the California Government confirmation that the Honda dealership I used for the Statement of Facts was licensed to make repairs, and the web page confirming that the Honda dealership was a motorcycle dealership. If you remember from the previous post these things were all bones of contention from the incredibly less than intelligent supervisor from the Burbank (not Glendale) DMV. We’ll just call her Deborah, for fun sake. I felt I had armed myself with the weapons to support my battle with the illogical and stupefying force that is the California DMV in such a manner that even a moron like Deborah would have to succumb to the logic and common sense of the supporting evidence that I had in hand. Confident and ready for battle, I looked forward to my visit.

The next day I made sure that I had all my paperwork in order, packed my motorcycle tank bag, and left for the arena…the Newhall DMV. Upon arrival I was surprised that when I checked in for my appointment I was quickly given a number without showing what paperwork I had brought, unlike the Burbank DMV, which asked to prove I was there for a registration appointment. As if anyone would lie about needing to be at the DMV, where even the masochistically insane avoid going because even they have their limits! I sat down to wait, expecting an extended stay before my number was called, so I pulled out my copy of War and Peace and started to read, with my copy of Mein Kampf ready to help fill the time when I was finished with the first book. I checked my supplies and saw that with proper rationing I could last for a month or so and hoped that this smaller DMV office would be a little quicker than Burbank…or I might be in trouble. Within 10 minutes my number was called! I was amazed and totally unprepared! It must be a ploy by the enemy to catch me off guard…

At the designated window a seemingly nice woman asked why I was there. I explained that I had to complete my motorcycle registration and that I did not have a Brake and Light Inspection Certificate, but I had a Statement of Facts filled out by a motorcycle dealership instead. I braced myself against the counter, steeled my nerves, and leaned forward ready for the storm to strike….but nothing happened. She accepted the paperwork I had, and began to look through it. She saw the Statement of Facts, looked it over, and placed it with the documents that were accepted….She had me fill out a form that I needed and while I was doing that she entered data into the computer. When I finished the form, she entered a bit more data, and handed me my new motorcycle registration, and new license plate tags! I stood there. Mouth open and staring in disbelief. After what must have been 15 seconds or so, I closed my mouth and said, “Thank you.” She told me that I was welcome and that I should have a nice day. I looked at the printouts that I had prepared, my weapons of logic and common sense. I ran through my argument for justice in my mind….and thought how could this be? So prepared to devastate my opposition and not a shot fired? I stumbled out of the office, put the new sticker on my license plate, and rode home, still dazed, but happy that the ordeal was over.

I said at the beginning that I had to modify my hypothesis of the California DMV in regards to who they hire, so here is that modification. The California DMV does hire people that do their jobs and take pride in being efficient. But what the DMV also does is takes every slack jawed moron employed by the DMV, every inept waste of human space on their payroll, every DMV employee that strives to do absolutely nothing for their paycheck, and places them at the Burbank DMV. Making it the largest collection of useless human flesh on the planet Earth. I know this sounds harsh and very unlike what I try to be every day, a positive and constructive person, but every time I have been to the Burbank DMV the frustration and unbelievable inability of the employees there has sent me home understanding why postal workers show up for work armed and hunting their comrades.

I can sit here now and calmly write this down. I know that in the future I will never return to the Burbank DMV, but will drive the extra 10 minutes to go to Newhall and return home much quicker and a happier person. I thank you, the reader, for indulging me this rant and I promise to try and be more positive in the future...but we all have our moments.